Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts

Sunday 4 November 2018

"The Worst Enemy to Creativity is Self Doubt"



Well I have done it, at last. I have started sending my poems to magazines again.

When I was younger I was regularly published in  magazines, including South West Review, The Rialto, Aquarius, Pennine Platform, and others. I was probably on the point of getting my first collection, but something happened.

I lost confidence. I have since discovered, this is not uncommon among women poets. Jo Bell and Jane Commane write about it in their excellent book How to be a Poet  And I had a similar conversation about the issue with Briony Bax (editor of Ambit) at the Poetry Book Fair.  My loss of confidence was ridiculous really. I had two great poets saying I was good (Michael Horovitz, Philip Larkin) and still I gave up submitting.

There were some mitigating circumstances I suppose. Looking back I was struggling with depression, something neither I nor my husband really confronted. My way of dealing it was to stop being a full-time mum and taking on a demanding job, which meant I was balancing motherhood, career and poetry. Poetry was what suffered. My poetry was increasingly taking the form of long sequences or indeed long poems and so not exactly suited to magazine submission, and I used that as an excuse for doing nothing. Then of course the longer I left submitting poems, the harder it was to get back into doing so.

But that is behind me now. I have restarted submitting poems and already in just a month I have had three poems shortlisted for publication, so that is good for my confidence. Fingers crossed the poems make it to publication.

In case you are wondering about the quote in the title of this post - it is from Sylvia Plath.

Sunday 16 September 2012

Celebrating Women - A Special Lady



Today I am taking part in a blog hop celebrating women. I have chosen to write about a very special woman in my life – a teacher who was more than a teacher.

I have been blessed with having a series of inspirational women educators in my life, but the first and probably therefore the most important was Elizabeth Webster. Without her I doubt I would be writing, without her I would not have got in to Oxford University and without her I would not have met my husband.

Elizabeth or EMW as she was better known was a little red-head with a liking for brightly coloured scarves, who commanded any room she was in. She stepped into my life when I was eight and newly arrived at my junior school. She was the creative English and music teacher and although I did not shine at music, Elizabeth recognised the writer in me. On that first lesson she asked us to write a poem. I wrote about Queen Boudica dying of poison after her defeat by the Romans. Elizabeth loved the poem. She praised and encouraged me, recognising the need to feed my love of poetry and confidence in my abilities. She was no regarder of age: she believed that children should be encouraged to read the best, so I was soon sitting cross-legged under her grand piano reading Under Milk Wood and Murder in the Cathedral. The first Shakespeare play I saw was performed by ten and eleven year olds directed by her at the end of the school year.

When ill-health forced her to retire from school, she set up an arts centre for children and I followed her. First in a church hall and then in an old bakery she continued to encourage writing, acting and the visual arts for a further twenty-five years. The Children’s Arts Centre Cheltenham became the Young Arts Centre as we turned teenagers, but the motto remained the same: “Everyone is Someone.” Saturday morning was for the younger children, and Sunday afternoon for the older members to rehearse the next play we would perform. I was soon to act in Under Milk Wood as well as read it. But best of all was Tuesday evening, when the EOS group met. In a side room, seated on second-hand sofas and armchairs, we would shuffle the papers in our hands mumbling “I’ve got a poem, but it’s not very good.” before reading it to the rest of the group. Encouragement followed (Everyone is Someone) and discussion. I was for some time the youngest in the group, but there was no compromise for my age. I learned to hold my own with the others on subjects such as Milton’s interpretation of the devil. Not that I had read Paradise Lost at that point, but that didn’t stop me. Every year we would give at least one public reading of our poems together with those of published poets and in so doing learned not only how to read poetry but also how to speak in public.

Encouraged by Elizabeth, I entered national poetry competitions and won. I was published by the age of thirteen. At the same age I wrote a full-length verse play, which of course was performed at the Arts Centre. I had found what I was good at. How lucky is that? And that luck had a name: Elizabeth Webster. But I was not the only one – a number of my fellow Arts Centre members have gone on to enjoy successful careers in the arts. Others found their lives enriched in different ways by the experience: principles were established for life, friendships were forged and relationships begun. What a wonderful place to meet your first boyfriend (or in my case my last as I met my husband there).

And what reward did Elizabeth receive for this work? Nothing but the reward of knowing that every child in the Arts Centre realised they were someone. It is only now with writing this post, that I realise how the central character of Girl in the Glass is a girl who, unlike me, was told she was nothing. When at last she had to retire Elizabeth started a new career: that of a novelist. She used her books to give her predominantly female readers an insight into the lives of young people. Even in that I seem to be following her.

You will find a website commemorating the Young Arts Centre here.